separation anxiety

I returned to work 2 weeks ago.  up until then though, this is how i was spending my days...

to have to leave my little man and separate myself from him for the first time since he was born was UTTERLY AGONIZING to say the least.  he was my first child that i had exclusively breastfed without supplementing with formula.  due to nursing him 24/7, i think I had a connection and bond with him so strong that i may not have had with my first two babies at this time in their lives.  i knew that he literally needed me, and i felt that 

reciprocation even more this time around.

being on bedrest for 7 weeks during the final stages of my pregnancy, then 6 more weeks after baby was born meant that I had been on maternity leave for almost 13 weeks.  so i was now forced to readjust to life as a working mom.  the 2 or 3 days prior to returning back to work, i'd just stop and stare at him while he slept.  knowing that i'd soon have to be away from baby lino for so long during the day just broke my heart. 

when i had to get ready for work on the morning of my first day back, even though i had him in my arms practically all night to nurse, i held him again.  i held him tight, i held him close, and I let the tears fall.  it was probably one of the hardest things i've had to do...to let go and hand him over to brandon.

now that both he and i are in the swing of things and are adjusting to our current routines (he stays with Brandon & nahe until the late morning hours then spends a few hours at grandma's until I pick tm up) I've had to come to terms with the requirements of reality.  I've tried to lessen the frequency of morning sobs as it has become easier to let go.  

the only issue now?  getting ready and out the door by 8am!

the arrival of baby lino

baby was expected on march 18th.  both ahonui AND nahe were born exactly on my due date which made things much easier to plan ahead of time.  however, this little bubba threw us a curve ball...

at 39 weeks and 4 days along in the pregnancy, i had my final routine prenatal appointment on saturday, march 15th.  since the appointment was all the way in town, i seriously considered cancelling it because it was such a hassle to drive out there for just a few minutes of a checkup.  I ended up forgetting to cancel the appointment so we packed up the entire family and made the drive out to Kaneohe to see Dr. Li Duen Clark.

the kids get really loud and rambunctious in small spaces, so brandon and the kids waited outside in the van while I went in to the doctors office alone.  I figured we'd be doing the same old...pee in a cup, check the weight gain (always scary, lol), check the blood pressure, yada yada yada, and I'd be back out in a jiffy.  dr. clark's practice is wonderful...she does an ultrasound at each appointment to check baby's heart, growth, fetal positioning, placenta, and amniotic fluid levels.  I usually check out pretty good at all my appointments.  but this time, when dr. clark performed the ultrasound, I noticed that she had a worried look on her face.  she kept moving around, looking hard at the screen.  then she gave me the news...

she told me that my amniotic fluid levels were very low and that baby could go into distress without the cushion of those fluids, or he couldn't be getting enough fluids flowing through.  she said, "well, it looks like you'll be having this baby today!  you need to go to the hospital now to induce labor." 

SHOCK!!!

so after leaving dr. clark's office, even though I was supposed to go and check in to the birth center, I decided to go with Brandon back to laie - quickly!  (baaaad, baaaad patient, you don't have to tell me, I already know.)  I had to get all the final things together for my hospital bag, get something to eat, take the kids to my in-laws, and install the infant car seat.  Brandon was willing to go back to laie on his own to get everything sorted, then return to the hospital, but I just needed to take a little more time to get used to the idea that this baby was coming very, very soon!!

a quick shot to show my humongousness before heading to the hospital and pop this baby OUT!

on our way back to town after getting all my things together, I got a call from hospital's birth center..."where ARE you?"  lol, my bad. 

we checked in to the Vera Zilber birth center at Castle Medical Center by 1:15pm, anxious and ready to get the party started!!

it took some time (and a LOT of routine questions) for the nurses to get us into a room and begin the induction process.  so Brandon & I had nothing to do but wait around and what else...take selfies!

once we were moved to our labor & delivery room, got settled, and began my IV with oxytocin, it was probably around 3:30pm.  it didn't take long before the contractions started, but they seemed pretty mild compared to what I experienced during my labors with ahonui & nahe.  I'm a huge fan of the epidural and all, but thought that I'd wait to get it until the contractions were more painful and closer together.  

around 8:30 I asked for the epidural...not because I was in so much pain (because I think I was doing okay), but because I didn't want to wait until it was too late to get it, and the pain would be too unbearable by then. when the anesthesiologist started the epidural, he seemed to have some trouble getting the long needle into my back properly.  with my first two experiences getting the epidural, they were seamless, piece of cake compared to the pain from labor.  this time i kept flinching...like he kept hitting a nerve!  as brandon held me to keep me steady, he said a quiet prayer.  after that, everything went smoothly and the anesthesiologist was able to finish the procedure without any problems.  so grateful for brandon and his priesthood power.

i was able to rest once the epidural juice kicked in.  my goal by that point was to have baby out by 10pm.  unfortunately, you can't really call the shots when it comes to childbirth.  because it wasn't until 10:40pm when the nurses had to wake me up to start pushing.

at 10:56pm that evening - saturday, march 15th, our baby boy Linohao Teroera Kealii Kahaialii was born.  he weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 20 inches long.

since i was induced instead of the labor naturally starting on it's own, the pain seemed a lot more tolerable...or maybe because childbirth is easier with each consecutive baby?  if that's the case, bring on the babies!!  (kidding.)

when i pick this chubba up from work each day, it seems that he's gained another layer of fat on his little bitty body.  he has the loudest cry i've ever heard which can be compared to the shriek of a wild banshee.  he seems to always know when i'm near because his head and eyes turn in my direction when he's being held by someone else.  he loves to nuzzle against my neck when i'm done feeding him and in the process of getting his burps out.  his big brother and sister always ask to hold him, but haven't quite got the hang of it yet.  he's starting to smile a lot now which just melts anyone who's watching him.

we are absolutely in love with our baby lino.  these past 8 weeks with him have definitely been hard trying to keep up with life with trying to manage all 3 kids, running on no sleep, quick meals, and a small house in disarray.  looking forward to life getting back to feeling a little more normal, but enjoying every moment with our new bundle of joy.

17 weeks with baby #3

this pregnancy is moving along slowly.  knowing that i'm not halfway through is difficult to think about sometimes.  but even though my body is constantly aching, and is uncomfortable most of the time, i still feel lucky, because i know my pregnancies are fairly manageable compared to others.  i'm not vomiting, extremely nauseated, or bedridden.  i'm not at high risk, too skinny (duh.) nor too heavy.

most important of all though, i know that the little person inside my belly is a true blessing.  there are moments when i stop and look at my other two babies in wonder and amazement.  i think to myself - those two beings grew inside of ME!  i helped to create those beautiful creatures!  and it makes me feel so humbled, yet so proud.  and it makes me feel overwhelmed with the love that i have for them and for this one that will join our little family soon.

i could say that i can't wait for this baby to come already, but that would only be partially true.  while i AM excited to meet our newest member, i can't say that we're entirely prepared for it yet...we tossed our old crib, have a ton of junk in our house that needs to be cleared out, and all the baby necessities that we used to have seems to have grown legs and disappeared from our home.  hmm...

i'm not one for taking "selfies"...maybe because i know that i could stand to lose some jelly in places that simply shouldn't have jelly.  i don't care too much for those visual reminders.  so i'd rather take pics with other people. =)

this past wednesday i had a checkup with my obgyn, and since she does an ultrasound at each appointment (i know - i love it!) - we got to find out the gender of baby!!  wait for it.......

wait for it.......

ready?

are you sure????

IT'S A BOY!!!!

and we love him already.  22 and a half weeks to go... *sigh*

mom guilt is consuming me

I just left my kids at home with their father so I could head off to work.  some days, I'll admit, are better than others.  but today didn't feel so good.  before I left, i had the boy practice his math & reading with some workbooks I got him for the summer break (don't want him going back to school with no recollection of the previous year's teachings), and the girl blocked my path as I tried to go down the stairs.  I left the boy scowling and flailing his arms and legs in frustration (drrraaaaama!), and moved on to the girl wrapping her arms around my thighs convinced that she'll be a valuable 2 year old asset in my financial services office.  then on to granny prying her off my leg and watching me drive away as she continues to hold her arms out for me.  cue mom guilt...NOW.

I honestly don't think any mom (or parent, for that matter) can avoid the feelings of guilt that constantly wash over you.  recently those self-inflicted "bad-mommy" thoughts are becoming overwhelming.  but I really think that these kinds of thoughts are validating...

- the "yes-you're-going-to-Gramma's-house-again-all-day-so-we-can-go-to-work" guilt.

- the "no-you-can't-go-to-Gramma's-house-because-mommy's-home" guilt.

- the "you-love-my-sister-more-than-me" guilt.  UGGGH!!!

- the "no-my-six-year-old-can't-ride-a-bike-yet" guilt.

 

- the "I-didn't-take-my-kids-to-the-laie-days-Summer-Bash-because-I-was-tired" guilt.

- the "McDonalds-drive-thru-for-dinner" guilt.

- the "I-just-yelled-unnecessarily-at-my-kids" guilt.

- the "hurry-up-and-do-this-homework-so-you're-not-a-complete-idiot-at-school" guilt.

- the "change-your-clothes-so-it-looks-like-you're-clean" guilt.

 

 

- the "all-my-son's-teeth-has-silver-caps-on-them" guilt.

- the "they-just-watched-TV-and-played-on-the-iPhone-all-day" guilt.

- the "eat-this-popcorn-so-I-don't-need-to-cook" guilt.

- the "you're-going-to-Gramma's-again-so-Daddy-and-I-can-go-out-to-dinner" guilt.

 

I suppose we don't look like we're feeling too bad about leaving the kids with grandma & gramps...whoops.  guilty again!

I know that nobody is perfect.  but there sure are a lot of moms out there that appear as if they've got their ducks in a row and they're doing a heck of a lot better than I am...taking their kids to the park, for walks, or to community activities.  feeding them three home-cooked, balanced, nutritious meals every day, with a spotless home, and obedient angels as offspring.  so you can imagine how much guilt can consume one such as myself when I clearly am not adequately fitting into the category of a mom with angelic offspring.  worldly influences endorse to us that life is a competition.  and even though I know that's not the case here, I can't help but think that I may be falling behind on the imaginary scoreboard of life.

 

how do you balance your time with all the necessities of life?  how do you explain to your children that life isn't always fair?  how do you overcome these feelings of mom guilt?

my kind of mother's day

I realize that this is a tad late for a Mother's Day post, but I didn't want to forget how special this day was for me...

woke up to pink tulips and breakfast in bed...french toast, spam, and scrambled eggs!  I didn't even know that Brandon knew how to make french toast!  what a sandbagger.  I assume that he's been reserving those amazing culinary skills for a really special day...like our 7th mother's day together.  fascinating.

 

 

then ahonui gave me a card that he made...

 

I honestly think that these little homemade creations are the most meaningful, special, and heartfelt gifts that you could get.  it was actually the first time I got something from him where he understood what he was doing, what it was for, was mostly legible, and didn't have stick figures performing disturbing acts of violence.  thank you, son!  I will treasure it always.

 

 

then we went to church, and nahe made a beautiful little lollipop flower pot in nursery.  but apparently, she made it for herself - on mother's day.  because she clutched the pot close to her chest and refused to give it up when i asked her if she made it for me.  rejected!!  she's two years old...I guess I can let this one slide.

 

after church i was gifted yet AGAIN with a little nappy nap.  and my day was complete with happiness.

 

i think the following illustration (courtesy of a random FB post) accurately describes what a mom really wants on a day off.  and i gotta say that this past mother's day not only made me feel truly loved, but also like i'm not doing such a bad job as a mother to my little family.  could not ask for more.

 

week four into healthy

...and i'm still going!  I really can't say that i'm hardcore dieting & exercising...but five days out of the week I am doing a whole lot better than most in regards to eating healthy and being active.  so here are the rules that I've made for myself in my "lifestyle change journey":

1. wake up at least an hour & a half before hubby and the kids.
by doing this, I can get a decent workout and shower in without someone pulling on my stretchy pants, before refilling a sippy cup, or searching the house for a missing slipper.  once they're all awake, before I head off to work - my time is basically their time - but I seriously can't complain...because that's kinda how I like things to be.

2. smaller portion sizes.
when I first began this decision to become a healthier version of myself, I honestly thought that I could eat as much as I wanted - as long as it was a healthier choice.  while this notion of eating endless amounts of fruits and veggies all day every day is definitely better than inhaling big macs, pringles, and sodas, I was still eating more (although healthier) than necessary for what my body needed to operate and burn.  after about a week or two of consuming large portions of better choices, my common sense kicked in.  one morning I just looked at the overflowing Tupperware container I was taking to work and thought to myself... "self, why is there so much food in there?  which starving third-world country are you planning to feed with that bad boy?"  thus, small portions, spread out through the day.  hellurrrr.

3. cut back on sugar.
this one I got from the hubs.  since he is one of my biggest motivators and greatest examples of health and fitness (did I ever tell you that he lost 125 lbs. before his mission?!!  no joke.), I'd like to think that he knows what he's talking about - some of the time.  lol!  but he let me in on the big secrets that I shouldn't be adding too much honey to my morning oatmeal, that jarred spaghetti sauce has a too much sugar, the 90 calorie light yogurt is a waste of money, and that I shouldn't be eating fruits later in the day.  lightbulb...right?

4. make your workouts count.
who are we kidding...we love being with our babies.  if I could cuddle and giggle and frolic with them in their small stature state forever - don't tempt me - I would.  I used to justify my reasoning for not exercising with excuses like i'd rather be home with my kids, i need to run these errands, i gotta clean this and that, and the best one, i must finish playing spider solitaire.  hummm.  I've also tried taking the kids along with me to workout, but i'd end up frustrated and burning about as much calories that you'd find in a tic tac.  if i'm already at work most of the day, the rest of my time away from my kids better be spent wisely.  on the days where I simply went to bed too late the night before and couldn't wake up to workout in the AM, I still feel the need to get a good jog in at night or in my living room doing youtube workouts (those buggers can be killer!) with the kids, but not being able to give them my full attention.  so i'm not going to have my babies with their grammas while i'm just casually strolling along and burning less fat than I know I could be.  let's not waste people's precious time here, folks.

 

5. prepare meals in the AM.

if I go to work without my meals - it's almost inevitable for me to not eat properly.  the seasider snackbar does have a salad bar.  and call me crazy, but I have a slight issue with spending $4.00 on a tiny tasteless bowl of lettuce.  ummm, I think i'll pass.  I would most likely choose a mouth-watering NZ meat pie which would clearly sabotage my dieting efforts.  so instead of going out and buying lunch and snacks every day, I'll toss a slab of salmon and grape tomatoes into the oven and let it bake before I start getting ready for work.  by the time i'm ready to head out the door - add a little brown rice then it's ready and good to go.  i'm noticing that these meals are also a lot simpler and quicker to make than the full-fat versions...less ingredients with simpler cooking techniques.  when it comes to snacks, I usually take a fruit (orange, apple, banana), almonds, or a fruit/nut bar.  time to prep: ZERO.  okay maybe like 4 seconds to wash and dry the apple, but who's counting?  meals that are fast and delicious at the same time?  i'm a fan...'nuff said.

 

note: this "larabar" has two ingredients: cashews and dates.  i think the simpler, the better.

6. don't eat anything after 8:30pm.

unless you're a marathon runner, it seems unlikely that you'll be burning a whole lot of fat late at night with a resting heart rate.  and since I am far from being a marathon runner, I've decided to mentally close the kitchen by 8:30.  by this time I should have eaten dinner, and be working on giving the kids a bath and getting them ready for bed so we can pick up Brandon from work by 9:15.  i know myself, and i know that if i do end up eating later at night, it can usually mean that i'll make mindless choices like stuffing a leftover burger down my throat, then feeling the guilt wash over me 5 minutes after it's gone...that's not gonna be good for anybody.

7. drink lots of water!

this one is self-explanatory.  we've all been told to drink at least 8, 8 oz. glasses of water every day.  i try to drink at least that much by the time i'm done with work in the afternoon.  this much intake of water has also eliminated my craving for juice.  i don't even touch soda...it's simply not worth it.  one more good thing about water, I've found that those times when i thought i was hungry, i was actually more dehydrated and thirsty.  although I never feel famished these days, if i do feel pangs of hunger, i'll first try drinking a buttload of water, then see how i'm feeling after that...it usually does the trick to rid myself of those hungry hippo urges.

8. measure progress by endurance time, not the scale.

the following will probably invalidate the rest of my above rules, but i'm gonna be honest anyway....I haven't lost much more weight lately.  okay, okay, i haven't lost ANY more weight.  sheesh.  yes, i'm incredibly frustrated.  yes, it's a tough fat pill to swallow.  but i'm not giving up.  i know that i'm probably gonna have to push myself harder with my workouts and get stricter on my diet to see faster results.  like i said, i'm trying to change my lifestyle here, yet still enjoy my life in the process...not kill myself.  so even though the numbers on the scale aren't going down - i am proud to say that I've improved my running time...by a lot!  it used to take me about 18-20 minutes to do one mile (you can stop laughing...now.).  I've cut that down to about 14 and a half minutes per mile!!  so that's my progress report for today.  and i'm pretty happy about it.  so please don't bring me down, because only positive or constructive feedback is appreciated.

 

happy hump day, people!

aunty norma's wisdom

my aunty norma nawahine is like a second mother to me.  growing up, her family lived next door to my family.  she is quick to give advice and even quicker to correct.  i clearly remember one day when my brother, jared, and i were having a huge fight (probably over something childishly stupid) and i'm pretty sure there was hitting involved.  back then my only pathetic defense against my older brothers were to scratch and scream.  i don't know where my grandma was at the time - she usually kept an eye on my bros and me while my mom was at work - but i recall my aunty norma running over to our house and scolding both of us because apparently i was "screaming bloody murder".  and we were instructed by aunty norma to "cut it out immediately".  she settled the dispute exactly the way my mom would...with love and reprimands.

in high school when i attended kamehameha, she was a nurse in hale ola (the on-campus clinic/hospital type facility - with rows of clean beds and yummy, hot meals available).  after my father died, there were many instances where i didn't want to be around other people, didn't want to be in class (typical teenager), and didn't feel like being at kamehameha, period.  aunty norma was my blessing.  she took care of me then and continues to take care of me now, even though we're far apart.

she has five sons and they all treat me like their only little sister (unfortunately, that includes teasing to no end).  when i went to school in utah, i lived with her son's families and now whenever i go to the mainland to visit, i always end up staying with their families.  when i am with the nawahines, i am home.

awesome aunty norma with her grandson

 

each time i post something, she sends me an email with her thoughts and coveted advice that i know i'll always treasure.  i love that she brings me back down to earth with reminders of reality.  the following is some of her wonderful wisdom that she shared with me...now i just need to follow it...

 

begin quote:

• I love your 2013 resolutions. Make sure you write the steps how you are going to accomplish each one. 
• It is important to keep on writing what is happening with your family and your thoughts because when you get my age, it is harder to remember events, people. Photos help a lot to bring back the memory. So be sure you have a photo book with stories and you label the people in the pictures.
• You teach your children that their every whim is not for you to do.
• You can tell them that you will do something with them later when you are able and keep your promise.
• You need to not look back and think what you have not done and look at what you are doing now. One thing at a time.   
• Remember to have time for yourself and develop yourself and you will be a better person, a better wife and a better mother.
• You start with yourself first and know how very awesome you are--kind, loving, sacrificing, beautiful (inside and out), intelligent, spiritually strong, family-oriented, gospel-oriented, industrious, creative, very caring to everybody, organized and a good cook like your mother and Grandma Chang.

Love you my Harmony,

Aunty Norma

end quote.

love you too, aunty!

never too busy

a typical day in the kahaialii household...

 

school, work (byuh/pcc), gym (don't get it twisted - that's all brandon), homework, housework and laundry, more work (island transporter/pcc), cooking, baths, then finally my favorite time of the day - my babies.



 

i have a notebook that i keep in my purse, and each day i make a list...errands to run, bills to pay, groceries to buy, phone calls to make, things to clean, etc.  by the end of the day, it would be a miracle in itself if i had crossed everything off my list.  although i try to get a lot of things done every day, i really want to get into the habit of focusing more on what my babies are asking of us.  if it's not for a drink of water, it's usually a book-reading request, an iron-man playfest, doll feeding, or a navy seal covert op under the bed.  it's been a very bad habit of mine to casually brush off their pleadings and deem them a waste of time...how horrible of a parent was i planning to be?!  no longer will i be that fuam...no more.

 



i am recommitting myself to pay attention to their invitations...no matter how small or insignificant they may seem at the time.  because to them - every request is important.  how do you find time for your little one's constant requests?  how do you make your child feel special on a daily basis?

a work in progress

i'm pretty sure that i'm out of excuses for not updating on a more regular basis. i don't know if i'm feeling more comfortable settling into my role as a mother (even though it's been about 5 years), or if it's because i took a long nap and now i can't fall back asleep. heh. but i finally seem to have time to update! yeah, i'm pretty sure that i'm still a work in progress.
 

so where shall i begin? well, since it's been almost 10 months - perhaps i'll begin with the most recent...

our baby girl turned a YEAR old on august 30th and we celebrated at the wet & wild hawaii waterpark in kapolei with our family.

i must admit, i freaked out a little while planning the party. i honestly don't know how some people can plan huge events because just brandon's family & mine alone brought the guest count to almost 40 - and it was enough to turn me into a stressball. but after it was all over, and everything turned out fine, i ended up wishing for more days like that.

in my humble opinion, a full day with family, food, and fun is all i ever want. wouldn't you agree?

more updates forthcoming...don't touch that dial! ;-)

the first cut is the deepest

ahonui has been going to preschool since the beginning of august. even though he is only 3 years old, bright beginnings preschool in hauula accepted him and i felt that it was time he fill his days with more activities than just "curious george" on tv or hours of gaming & you-tubing on my iphone.

a few months prior to the first day of school, we tried to prepare the little guy as much as we could. we would talk to him about what he can expect, who he will see, what he may be learning, etc. we bought special snacks for him to enjoy in his lunchbox, bought a toy story backpack for him, and even arranged for him to be in the same class as his cousin, tehani, so he would have a familiar face in an unfamiliar place.



after our many attempts of "preschool preparation", the first day of class finally rolled around. we tried our best to get him excited about this new experience. unfortunately, our enthusiastic efforts went unnoticed and unappreciated. i'm not sure if it's because he is after all, a boy...or if he simply didn't yet understand the fact that "school" = "mommy & daddy won't be with you to hold your hand all day long".

we all woke up at 6:30 that morning so that brandon & i would have time to get him ready, eat breakfast, make his lunch, get ourselves ready, and take him to the school a little early so we could check out his new digs for the year, introduce him to his teachers, and settle in with possible new friends.

and that's exactly what we did...

 

...a stroll around his classroom: check.

...discovery of the 2 million cool toys: check.

...introduction to the teachers: check.

...and an invasion of new faces and personalities: check and check.

finally, it was mommy and daddy's turn to leave. i don't believe ahonui quite grasped the fact that we weren't going to be in the same vicinity as him for the next 6 hours, because he was very content playing on the little table & bench sets without us for a few minutes. when i noticed that he was "fine", it actually hurt me. i mean, it literally hurt. i felt the sadness coming up into my throat that my little boy was not so little anymore. i felt his dismissal for his parents from the sudden independence he was exhibiting to myself and brandon. but i knew i had to pull myself together. for his sake, at the very least. i fought back those tears of rejection, and the hurt i felt in my throat moved quickly down to my heart. so i gave him a big bear hug, a long mushy kiss, and rushed the heck out of the classroom.

i waited for brandon outside while he said goodbye and sure enough, about 4 seconds after brandon comes out...a shriek, a scream, and some thumping. we glance into the classroom window, and there's one of the teachers - holding our little boy who is not so little anymore - looking like the darn crocodile hunter wrestling with him...all the while attempting to send us a reassuring wave and yelling out the window saying "he's fine! he'll be okay!" riiiiight.

so off we went. back to our minivan and our regular schedules. leaving our writhing crocodile in the hands of those poor teachers. and that's when i broke down. all the way back home, i bawled my eyes out thinking of my 40 pound baby and how he must be thinking that his mean 'ol mom has just abandoned him. when we got home, brandon held me as i cried and calmed down so that i could go to work. it took me a little while to get a hold of myself and to realize that he's in good hands and that it would get easier for both of us very soon.
 

and it did get easier. he now runs away into the depths of his classrom from his mean 'ol mom after dropping him off every day. i think he's fine now, and so am i. which means the first one really is a doozy.

our little nahe girl

although our newest bundle of joy was born almost six weeks ago, i am sticking to the "i just had a baby" excuse. how long do you think that "get-out-of-jail-free card" will last? well, since i'm going back to work in less than a week, i'm figuring my time is just about up. saaaaad.

at the same time, however - EXCITED! because she's finally here!!! nahe wheturangi kahaialii was born on monday, august 30th. for the handful of you that may be interested in reading the birth story - this one's for you...

my due date was actually august 30th, and i had originally planned to work until i gave birth. but just over a week before my due date, my doctor allowed me to stop working. that extra time was wonderful because i wanted to tie up loose ends and make sure that everything was ready for the baby and that we had everything she might need before her arrival. plus, i found myself sooo tired every day and all the extra weight i was carrying really was taking it's toll on my body.


anyway, the day before my due date i woke up at around 7am because i was feeling some minor contractions. i thought they may have been braxton hicks because i had frequently been having those since i was 15 weeks along. i began timing the contractions and they were very random so i didn't think much of it. my mom checked on me later that day and i told her that the contractions were coming, but they were so sporadic i didn't want to head to the hospital yet. then at about 7pm they were really coming...this time closer together and a lot more intense. i still felt like i had time before we needed to head to the hospital but my mom insisted that we leave right away. being the crazy procrastinator that i am, i didn't pack my hospital bag yet. (so much for the week off of work! hehe) so while i took a shower, my mom got my bag packed, and brandon took ahonui to my in-laws. while i was in the shower, the contractions were almost right on top of the other and that's kind of when reality struck. i started trippin' like - wow, this is really happening...this baby is coming!

before we left, we stopped at my brother, jared's house - who lives nextdoor, by the way - so i could get a blessing. after that, i really felt that Heavenly Father was watching over me and baby and i knew things would go smoothly from then on.

we got to kaiser hospital in moanalua at about 11:30pm and we went straight up to labor & delivery. they checked me in and LUCKY ME - my midwife was on duty that night! apparently with kaiser, it doesn't matter which doctor or midwife you've been dealing with during your entire pregnancy, you are stuck with whichever one is on-call or already at the hospital. craziness, huh?! so i was VERY VERY relieved to know that my AWESOME midwife, linda chong-tim, was able to help me after all those appointments i had with her. so glad that i didn't drive all the way to kailua for our checkup appointments for nothing! the nurse checked me and i was only at 5 cm. and since i'm a wimp when it comes to pain, i requested the epidural right away. hey, why deal with the pain if you don't have to, right?? *sigh* (when i was in labor with ahonui i didn't want the epidural and got stuck at 8cm for 3 hours - and then once i gave in and got it, both brandon and i knocked out from exhaustion. so the next time around i told him, forget it - i'm gonna get it right when we get there! and of course, he was all for it. lol!)

after the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural, again - both brandon and i knocked out! =) peace at last...but at about 2:25am my nurse came in to check on me and asked how i was doing. of course, i couldn't feel much so i was all, i'm good. so she said she'll come back later and that baby would tell them if she was coming. 5 minutes later, the nurse AND my midwife came rushing in to wake brandon & me up saying, "she's telling us something!" according to their charts in the nursing station baby's heartrate was dropping and showed that my contractions were so close together, so she checked me again and said "fully dilated, plus one" - our little nahe was ready to come out! =) they rushed to get things ready, and my midwife told me to let my body and the contractions naturally push baby out and after one tiny push, she graced us with her presence! she was born at 2:35am, 7 lbs. 13.5 oz., 19 3/4 in. long.



i think the labor & delivery experience is such an amazing and surreal event. i'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has put his trust in me and brandon to care for these two spirits. so far our little nahe is a wonderful baby. she is so beautiful (even though my opinion may be biased, i'm entitled to think so), and we are so happy that she chose us to be her parents.

a brief glimpse of my future

i had to leave work early today. mostly because i reached 40 hours by 2pm, and we aren't allowed to get overtime - but also because i didn't really feel like staying til 5pm! hehehe.

just a little update, i have decided (with brandon's permission, of course) to reduce my hours at work to 30 a week beginning this monday. this transition will result in my job description being altered quite a bit. i will be handling the walk-in students rather than taking appointments and counseling one on one with students. it may take some getting used to as with any other change we are faced with, but i'm thrilled for the new schedule! i plan on getting off of work at 2pm every day to have more time with ahonui and take care of the home. yessssssss!!!

so anyway, i figured today was a great a day as any to begin the new schedule. i dropped brandon off at work and headed home for some lunch. following the grindage (my made-up word that will be an upcoming laie slang - mark my words! lol) , i plopped myself on the couch and began my usual daily to-do list. realistic tasks such as "empty trash" and "pay bills" accompanied unlikely errands such as "wash car" or "complete power 90" on the piece of paper.

once i was done with my list, i picked up ahonui in kahuku and ran a few errands. he requested to watch "doweee" (translation: toy story 2) so i popped in the dvd. i sat with him for a bit while he watched and thought to myself... "i should probably get going on that list."

about an hour later, i woke up on the bed with ahonui crashed out next to me. i sure hope getting less hours at work will benefit our family with more than just an afternoon nap for me. something i'll need to work on, i guess. that's going on tomorrow's list (wink, wink).

that vague, blurry line

it was a loong, hot, muggy, tiring night lastnight. for all of us.

after ahonui grew out of his colicky stage at 4 months i didn't expect another night like that until baby number 2 came along. granted, we've had our fair share of middle-of-the-night "mommy/daddy, hold me" episodes. but this particular incident began from 8:15pm....i know!

brandon was still at work, so i was left all alone with my little one who fell asleep on our way home from kahuku. he awoke an hour later crying and in the worst of moods (which he often does if he's not fully rested). i went into the bedroom to pick him up and cradle all 34 lbs. of him. but he wasn't havin' any of that.

hungry, son? screams.
want me to hold you? throws himself on floor.
sippy? nemo? au-au? daddy? cries hysterically with no audible dialogue.
okay, go night-night then. kicks AND screams.

oh well, i tried, right? after a few disciplinary reprimands, i let him wallow in his unyielding grief (aka: time out) for a few minutes before going back in to check on him. he looked at me with those bright, red eyes and tear-stained face that would break any mother's heart. so i go over to pick him up again -- only to experience the same tantrum with ear-piercing screams from my little boy's mouth.

hmmm...i anticipated that this glorious time of my son's first adolescence would come. however, i expected it to arrive a lot earlier than this. after all, he is now about two and a half years old.

then again, i always seem to question the centuries old studies of child rearing whenever it comes to my only child. is this normal? is he SUPPOSED to be acting like this? where do i draw the line to distinguish NORMAL wildly active toddler behavior from a just plain disobedient, undisciplined boy? i have a hunch that i'll be questioning things like this for quite a while...at least until i'm a well-seasoned mother of four. yikes!

to put your minds at ease, after we picked up brandon from work, the little guy settled down - a bit. my genius of a husband suggested that we take advantage of the beautiful hawaiian night and go for a walk around laie with our previously mentioned jogging stroller. once we got out into the cool evening air, it seemed as though all of our spirits were refreshed. when we returned home, we laid next to ahonui on the bed, and promptly fell asleep.

although ahonui woke up throughout the night in irritable moods, i tried to remember that this is just a chapter in all of our lives. tantrums are thrown, tempers will rise, boys will be boys, and lines will continue to be blurred. and although i understand that this phase won't last forever, any advice & tips from you "well-seasoned" (or even not-so-seasoned) people out there will definitely be appreciated!

i could get used to this

ahonui has been sick since last week friday, and although it hasn't been a very fun past few days for our little man, i've been staying home to care for him -- which i am absolutely LOVING. the past few days & nights we have been experiencing varying moods from the boy...from deep throat coughs and cries, to jumping for joy on the bed and tickle wars. brandon and i are doing our best to keep him comfortable and content.

after spending the last two days here at home instead of heading off to work, i'm really getting the "wannabe-a-homemaker-type-mother" bug. don't get me wrong...i do love my job at BYUH for the most part. i love feeling like i'm helping students create a bright future for themselves. i love that students feel comfortable enough to continually come back to see me. and i love that i can feel like i'm making somewhat of a difference in someone's life everyday.

at the same time, however, i REALLY LOVE my son and family life even more. i love waking up in the morning without feeling rushed to make breakfast, brush ahonui's teeth, change his diaper, get myself ready, and run out the door to work. i love having time to clean the entire apartment, run errands, wash/dry/fold the laundry, and cook all of our family's meals. i love drawing his bath, chasing him around the apartment, and putting his elmo pjs on at night. and it dawned on me how much i loved it all so much more when i put him down for his nap this afternoon. as i laid next to him on the bed watching him sleep, the cool wind blew the curtains open, and the warm sunlight shone through the windows...and i knew there was no other place that i would rather be. in that moment everything was perfect and my heart ached wishing i could experience that moment every day.



but alas, the reality of cost of living in hawaii sinks in and the daily grind of going back to my cubicle will resume early tomorrow morning. sacrifice is a part of life, right? i just hope it's all worth it.

flashback friday: ahonui's arrival

today's flashback: january 3, 2007...

ahonui tehaumarinoongarangi kahaialii was brought into this world at 8:05am that day. here's how it happened:

my due date was on january 3rd, so on new years day 2007 the excitement of our very first new arrival was building quite rapidly. at around 5am on january 2nd i woke up with what felt like cramps in my back. i couldn't go back to sleep so i just watched tv until the cramps died down a few hours later. when brandon woke up i told him that i thought i was having labor pains. he called up his mom and she said to time the contractions. once they began to get really close together then we'd need to be ready to go to the hospital...so i tried to relax and kept a watch next to me to keep tabs on the contractions. i didn't feel like sitting around the house all day so while brandon was at work i cleaned and ran errands. when i went home later that night i noticed that the contractions seemed pretty close together and a lot more painful. brandon was scheduled to work night show that night so i called my mom to come over. she stayed with me to help time the contractions and get our things together for the hospital. aren't moms the best?!!!  at around 8:30pm she called brandon and told him it was time to go. my brother, marcus, came over to give me a blessing with brandon and then we were off! we arrived at castle hospital at about 10pm.

needless to say, it was a long night. i received an epidural at around 5am...people have their opinions about epidurals, and will probably judge me and think that i cheated with childbirth. oh well, at least after 7 hours of extreme pain i eventually got some rest and my screaming could finally subside. it was so worth it to me. my baby is happy & healthy and i didn't suffer longer than was absolutely necessary. so there.

after an hour of pushing, our 8 lb. 3 oz. baby boy was born. 19 and a half inches long, brown hair, brown eyes, and very hawaiian looking...everything was worth that first moment with him. i'll never forget it.